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March 2009
April 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
December 2009
January 2010
March 2010
April 2010

Layout ©
Designer: Manikka
Resources: 1 2 3 4 5 6
Sunday, 18 April 2010
You get those moments when something fits your mood and mentality so perfectly.

You are an unnecessary part in my life. Please leave me be for once.
I was planning on a summer without worry.

Wednesday, 24 March 2010
You know when you dream of being a place it can seem so, so far away?

I've finally achieved a real dream, and I will work my arse off for it.

Friday 12th March, 8:45 I left my sister's house, decked in polkadots and armed with a portfolio, my stomach was doing somersaults as I made why way to Bermondsey tube station. There, I took the tube to the first step in doing something with myself.
I must have been a strange sight to the commuters this early in the morning, my hair sky-high and a large bow placed to the side of my head, the strange looks were a welcome affirmation that yes, my "I-made-this-yesterday" polkadot dress was just a bit strange, and I couldn't help but smile to myself.

Finally approaching Cyprus DLR station, I honestly didn't know how I didn't pass out from nerves. I was attending my first University interview at the University of East London, a uni that I quite wanted to go to, as it seemed to be very rooted in creativity, but also learning, and was a mostly independent university, where I could have room to grow as a person.
It was only 9:15 by the time I'd arrived in the AVA building, and with asking a very friendly man what on earth to do, I was shown into the admins office, where I was told to wait outside for N. Shah to come and take me upstairs at 10. Quarter of a pack of cigarettes where smoked by the time a girl and her friend turned up, her name was Devon, and she was nervous as you would be, but a really nice girl who was happy enough to chat over the sounds of orgasms in the background [Art installations are strange], and discuss about previous interviews. This was my first.

By the time eleven people had turned up for the same interview, my nerves were growing instantly. My dear friend Flo, who is currently on her first year on the fashion course, was nice enough to come over and try and calm me, by talking about the course, what the first year means, what she sees people do, what she has done, and even what her interview was like.
I was beginning to really like the sound of this course.
And immediately was more nervous than before.

By the time 10:15 rolled up, I'd smoked half a pack of cigarettes, my hands were shaking, but luckily I was escorted upstairs with the other ten girls for our interview. We met with our interviewers, one stern-looking woman with short dark hair and reddened lips - whose name I cannot recall- and a lovely-looking grey-haired woman with a soft smile and a black dress I'd of worn myself called Rosemary.

As is any luck, the stern woman took most of the interview, giving us a long talk about the university, the courses they do with fashion, and what you will learn in your semesters in the next few years. "We do not produce big-name designers" was the most memorable of what the stern woman said, and a good few faces in the room fell instantly. "We produce more high-street-store designers." Not honestly my cup of tea, but there is always ways of getting around this.

After her talk, she smiles at the room and asks the question "Do you have any questions for us?" I'm interested in what students and designers universities produce, and my lecturer had given me the best question to ask.

"What are your last year's graduates doing now?"

Her face fell as I asked the question, my mind now running the "Oh fuck I blew it" thoughts over and over again. The two of them spent five minutes uhmming and ahhing over who they could remember from last year.
The only name they could think of was Lucy. She was now working with Ralph Lauren.

After this near-mishap, we were taken to place our portfolio's down, which we just left as we came back into the Fashion Futures studio, which we were then given a literacy and numeracy test, and a sort-of questionnaire about ourselves.

"You are given full roam of someone else's house. What room shows their personality most, and why?"

A long-answer question. Easy enough.
Numeracy? Not so much. I have never been good at it, and spent a great deal with my mind spinning "OH FUCK."

And then the questionnaire.

"Pick five of your favourite movies"

Michael Jackson's Moonwalker
Alice in Wonderland
Memoirs of a Geisha
Battle Royale

"A book that you find influential"

Haruki Murakami - Blin Willow, Sleeping Woman

"Three magazines you read and why"

Dazed and Confused - for cutting-edge, quirky photography
Kera - For Japanese fashion inspiration
Alice A La Mode - For interesting spins on Lolita

"Five of your favourite international designers that are NOT Westwood or McQueen"

Rio Maddison
Hussein Chalayan
Rei Kawakubo
Junya Tashiro
Hirooka Naoto

As well as questions on What is a pattern cutter, What is a pattern Master, What is WGSN, and Who is Viktor and Rolf?
After they'd looked at all our portfolios, our tests were taken in, and they picked us out, one-by-one for our interview.

We were left on our own, talking amongst ourselves about our colleges, our aspirations, even our own fashions. [In which, one girl said I looked like her friend Hannie, and that I was an adorable Lolita.] The girl sat next to me, Attia, was so sweet and shy, and was hoping to get out of London College of Fashion, as she was on the foundation degree, and couldn't stand it as a university.

The girls that were called out came back to wish us luck, all with different experiences.
"It was awful! She's so rude!"
"It was alright. Not too bad."
"It went great! She's lovely!

After talking so much, it was 1:40. In the afternoon, before I was called. I was the last person out of 12 to be called out. And by now I was just bored, hungry and sleepy. My nerves had died completely. Rosemary called my name with a smile, and took me to the stern woman, where on the way my nerves grew, and I commented on being there for so long and that I was looking forward to a coffee and a cigarette.

As I was taken to the stern woman, my portfolio was open to the last page [Which happened to be two illustration pieces of Toshiya from Dir en grey, which you can see here and here], and she was going over my numeracy paper.

"Andrea." She said. For some strange reason I wanted to cry suddenly.

"Your maths is appalling." I knew that already. "Your GCSEs are non-existent." I also knew that. She made that strange noise you make when your suck on your teeth.
"Why are your GCSE's so bad?" Depression, I answer, my voice shaking. She holds her hand out and nods. "That is fine, I don't need to know anymore."

"You portfolio is very thin." Uh-oh.

"There wasn't enough sketchbooks." Oh God.

"You do look like you are going into illustration." You asked for drawing! "You really want to go for fashion design?" Yes, I answer. I just enjoy drawing a lot. She nods.

"I really shouldn't do this - marketing is going to kill me, but. I'm going to offer you a place."

I'm stunned. I'm nearly in tears.
My whole life I'm told that I will never get anywhere, my GCSEs will hold me back from university, I'll just never make it. And I have a place. On the spot. No one else had mentioned they had been given a place. But I have.

"But." I'm scared of buts. "You will have to keep up well. You must do marketing in the first year, and with your maths you cannot fail it." I nod. "I understand. I will do my best." "So you shall. If you fail, I will kick you off the course myself."

I'm exploding.

"Please let us know soon if you wish to take the place."

Oh believe me. I shall. Once UCAS updates, I will take it straight away.
Rosemary smiles, helping my close my portfolio, commenting "It was worth the wait, wasn't it?" I just grin. I would have waited all day for a result like that.

With a sincere thank you to the two, I bowed my head and floated on out of the building.

I really did it.

This Andii is a successful Andii.

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Thursday, 7 January 2010
I sometimes find myself in situations where I feel so lost and lonely and unable to either change myself or the surroundings around me. It's an odd feeling to feel, and it's often fleeting, but the imagery in my head of those moments are very vivid.

These moments often come about when reading of a very special friend of mine. He's world-adored, but to me, he is my closely-guarded secret.

I've come to miss him dearly, lately. We aren't the sort of friends that go for coffee every weekend, as it's not physically possible with the type of distance we have. But when we are together and is just the two of us, his kind words and soft voice forever eases me, keeps me sane, and with a smile on my face. We share something extremely....spiritual.

There is more to him than some seem to think, and in march, I spent the night beside him. Purely platonic, despite what some friends who know of this seem to think. But that night, I truly learnt what love, and pure friendship was.

I learnt a lot about myself.
I learnt a lot about him.

But these feelings. I have difficulty with feelings sometimes. I feel lust, I feel...excitement. I feel depression. But other feelings, I find some difficulties with. Unless he is included. I feel the excitement and the lust, but I also feel the jealousy of knowing the world knows of him. I feel the greed of wanting to keep him to myself...and I feel my heart explode sometimes, just by thinking of him. I feel the love.

I find myself needing him at all times.
And knowing it cannot happen.

And there's the depression.


This Andii is an Appreciative Andii


Monday, 21 December 2009
I have worked out that there are people in my life that I really don't want to be there.

Not saying that they are so much friends, and not even so much as acquaintances, they just happen to exist in my life, and that existence bothers me so very much.

I suppose I'm a jealous old soul, yet I just can't get my head around people who sponge off their father's successes and riches. It's always the father, not even a generalisation, it's always the father. There have been instances arising in only the last few weeks with one of these people, who uses her fathers status to get just whatever she wants.
And I'm actually somewhat disturbed by the fact that everyone just lets her.

My only salvation is that once she's in university, she has no power, and with the way she acts, she won't have a clue what to do.
That makes me smile inside.

It also brings out my competitive streak. I'm really good at being lazy on command [and also when it suits me best], however, when I get to a point where someone who, to be fairer than fair, hardly does her own sewing and is less than a brilliant artist, yet gets distinctions in her work because of who she is and that she does actually do voluminous amounts of work [quality over quantity, RH? My arse.], honestly makes me so angry I take the anger out on the fact I just must be better than her. I'm more than capable. Now is time to kick her smug ass to the ground. And laugh.

I'm also ultimately annoyed by people with no personality.
A certain friend's girlfriend is the epitome of "Nothing" when it comes to a human. She has no intelligence, no physical appearance, no body shape and absolutely no personality.

Wait. I just thought, she's actually got something!! A shit-tonne of paranoia issues.
Myself and Dandylion have been puzzling forever about what exactly attracts my friend to this girl. ...... We'll tell you when we figure that one out.

Last port of call of annoyances happens to lie with those with no lives.
This usually ends up with a person with no personality, but the sheer fact that people have no friends outside of college/work actually bothers me something rotten.
Then again, I'm miss sociable here!!

In summary, I've managed to describe one person under the guise of many people in an array of "What really fucks me off...". Funny that.

This Andii is a Better Andii.

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Monday, 14 December 2009
Sooo. It's been a good while. I say this, as i've been without internet at home since 11th October, and on the 10th December, I finally got it back!!!
I hate people who forever go on about how fantastic their boyfriends are, but honestly, my boyfriend is fantastic, as he's given me a computer to actually get on with life and get back online.

First things first - I HAVE LAST.FM AGAIN.

UnderTheSin's Profile Page

I'm slightly obsessed with last.fm, to be fair, and that's ridiculous. What can I say, I love music!!

In other news, i've got to the point in college where EVERYTHING is about university. And it does terrify me, however, I want to go so badly, and I am, at this moment attempting to bring my grades up to hopefully get into either Westminster, LCF or Ravensbourne. This will be difficult, I feel.

Keep your fingers crossed, yeah? ;D

This Andii is a determined Andii.

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Thursday, 1 October 2009
When your friends are down, take them into town talking about how fucked up the government is and how a war fighting the prevention of war is a ridiculous idea, discuss how most of Accessorize is cheap decorated tat, which would still buy regardless, then take a trip to Sainsbury's to buy them a bottle of Asti and sit by the late talking about bullshit and hard pencils.


Wednesday, 23 September 2009
I've been thinking, lately.

About my friends.
Now it's the time they're all getting older, in a way, and it's come the time they've all decided to fuck off to uni and leave me behind.

I adore my friends. I find great comfort in having a load of friends who I can relate with, who can inspire me and keep me from the worst of times.
And I have a crazy array of these friends, in all shapes and sizes, all colours of the earth, and with different personalities, and it may just be a reflection on how I just love everyone, but I think it's healthy to have an array, if you must, of different friends.

So if you are my friend, reading this, I love you.
We may not always talk, we might have not seen each other in a long time.

But I love you.

Please don't leave me.

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